Tobie here: Okay…so we had a disappointing OB appt today. Disappointing…that’s not the right word. The baby is great, I’m great, there is absolutely nothing disappointing about this pregnancy. I don’t know what the right word is to describe how I feel. The baby is huge. A c-section is scheduled for 17 days from now. If I don’t have the baby soon, there is no avoiding the c-section. Do I want the baby to be as mature and healthy as possible, especially after last pregnancy? Absolutely!! But the mother in me is worried about how a c-section is going to impact Paige and Cole. I can’t hold them or take care of them for a minimum of 2 weeks post c-section. How is that going to make them feel when they reach for me and are crying and I have to tell them “so sorry”. Arranging for 24/7 help for 2 weeks isn’t the easiest thing either. Eric’s mom is coming out for 3.5 days which is super-great…but that still leaves 11.5 days uncovered. I know we’ll figure it out. I know it’ll all work out. It’s just today my OB had told me I’d have my membranes stripped at my appt. I’ve heard from 4 different sources that they went into labor that night after getting their membranes stripped. So…I prepared for hospitalization this weekend for the last couple of days. I mean I’m ready. Freshly washed sheets on all the beds/cribs, all laundry done, dishes done, meals prepared, prescriptions filled, fridge stocked. Couldn’t be any more ready, but the membranes weren’t stripped. I guess I can relax now the next couple of days, but I can’t help but feel slightly let down. I know this is crazy and I’m a jerk for hoping the baby comes a little early. Especially after last pregnancy…I just really thought tonight/tomorrow I’d have the baby. I can wait. The bigger, the better!

So other good news: Paige and Cole have both slept through the night for the last two weeks. This is huge!! Ironic though, because this only helps Eric as he was to get up with the toddlers and I’m going to get up for the new baby. It’s good to know that Eric will continue getting a full nights’ sleep (sarcasm). Cole is eating like a champ, I actually had to take food off Paige’s tray and give it to Cole which is opposite what normally happens. The new nanny/helper/girl is fabulous. I’m glad I loosened up with her and accepted her help. We do baths every other day, she is great with the babies and is in general a good person. Eric makes fun of me because he says I only like her because she is my “yes” girl. I really do appreciate that, it’s true. I like that she listens to my wishes, respects our house rules, and the way I want to raise the babies. I really look forward to when she arrives. She is only working 3.5 hours a day, but those are critical hours and I honestly don’t remember how I did baths and naps before she started with us.

Other news: Our NICU nurse came by again this morning so we could meet the new addition to her family. She gave birth just 7 weeks ago to a beautiful baby boy and looks great. Her baby currently weighs….wait for it…..over 13 lbs!! Holy shnikees!! It was great to see them and it was also interesting to get a preview of what life with a newborn will be like with Paige and Cole. I could see that they just didn’t get the baby or why I was holding him and keeping them at a distance.

Another random thought: I have officially been out of work for 6 months as of yesterday. How bizarre to think about. I loved my job, but honestly I can’t imagine sticking with it. I love this job so much more…even though I think it’s twice as frustrating at times and non-stop work. I really do appreciate Eric working as hard as he does so I have the pleasure of staying home with our babies.

My last thought: Today we dropped off a big box of all our old NICU preemie clothes to be used for a family that needs them. What mixed emotions in giving those items away! I was so sad going through the box and remembering our babies wearing these clothes that look too small for dolls. Part of me was glad they were going to a good purpose, part of me was sad and wanted to hold on to them. I did keep a couple outfits to show Paige and Cole when they’re older. Another sad blast from the past was on Wednesday we went to visit our church pastor and pick up their baptismal certificates from 15 months ago. Last time we saw our pastor was before Kaylee passed and times were so tough and uncertain….I broke down the second we saw him. I think what a weird job for him to see people at their happiest moments (our wedding) and at our saddest (hospitalizations, death) and at our in-betweens (baptisms). I’m glad he’s such an amazing guy.