People always say, start them early. So that’s what I did yesterday. I brought Paige to Starbucks with me to pick Tobie up a Venti Non-Fat No Whip Easy On The Ice But Make It Taste Good Frappuccino. Seemed like a good idea, right? It’s not very often we get one on one time with the kids. It’s cool just picking up ONE kid and heading out. Normally it would take us at least 30 minutes to get ready if everyone was leaving the house. Paige and I had a good time. We came back, dropped off the booty, and bid adieu as I headed off to work. Tobie called me about 5 minutes later saying Paige was screaming hysterically. She was banging on the front window glass screaming for me (she acted like that for about 20 minutes). Just hang on, I’m going somewhere with this. It’s been the culmination of flipping out behavior that’s progressively gotten worse since the arrival of Drew.
Remember about 6-8 months ago when Paige had her separation anxiety attacks? Well, she’s worse than ever. It’s like she de-evolved. Paige has been going down terribly for naps and bedtime. She’ll scream for 5-30 minutes before falling asleep. And when I say scream, I mean SCREAM! If you go in the room, you’ll see her sitting with her feet dangling out her crib, hands clutching the bars, screaming! Her head? It’s all bruised from her doing face plants protesting anytime she doesn’t get her way. During the day, if we leave her line of sight, if she is paying attention, she flips out. When she wakes up in the morning, screaming (and I mean screaming). When she goes down for bed, screaming. We have tried everything to comfort her. If I let her fall asleep on me while sitting in the recliner, the moment I begin to get up to start bringing her to bed, she flips out. We need help. She has to be hurting herself every time she hurls her body into the floor, crib, or wall and not to mention the psychological ramifications. Her screaming seems to be getting worse. The arrival of Drew definitely set her off (probably should have brought someone else’ baby over to help train the babies before Drew, just like they do for parents who have dogs before their new baby comes home).
Dr. Ferber, if you are reading this, your on my s#%t list for your crappy “sleep method” or I like to call it “piss my baby off even further as I keep going in her room to comfort her”. Who’s got some advice on this? I’m all ears.
Related Posts:Posted in: babies, paige
<p>I’d like to comment that these could possibly be the worst pics of Miss Paige ever!! Also..it was a mocha, not frappachino (just in case anyone reads this and offers to bring one by the house).</p>
I’m having similar trouble with Miss Presleigh… She started deliberately smashing her head into the wall/chair/side of crib/me in fits of temper/rage. But I discovered the root of the trouble… she was overwhelmed. I discovered early on, in the NICU, that when she was overwhelmed with stimulation, she would thrash around in the isolette and be inconsolable. Then after we came home, once she’d had enough of being fawned over, she’d cry uncontrollably.
First two weeks of July we were on holidays… 11 people in a tiny 4 room cabin. Every night when I’d try to put her to bed in the playpen, she’d throw herself so hard against the side of it, it would topple. So I took to putting her to bed by laying with her in my bed until she fell asleep..but.. then she was trying to find the wall to bang her head against. Two days home and we’re back to normal.
SO..
with all this said, my guess is a little of both the separation anxiety and being overwhelmed. I’m not sure what to recommend since you’ve got 3 of them running amuck, but if perhaps for naps/bed for the next little while, try laying with her in a bed til she drifts? And as for the separation anxiety, when someone is leaving the house, we have to have someone distract her while they leave and as soon as they’re out the door and gone from her line of sight, then we’re ok to move on. I usually take Miss P up for a diaper change, into the kitchen to help me or even just pick her up and ensure she isn’t looking at the front door while they scurry out.
HTH..
Super nanny has a lot of ways to deal with the separation anxiety, especially at night for bedtime….
Oh man. I am sorry I don’t have really any advice that you probably haven’t already done….we have been having a harder time with Sammy…silly me thought he just didn’t ever have seperation anxiety trouble like all other kids…it just came 4-5 months late, like everything else:) I don’t think its as bad as your situation though, plus I don’t have 2 other kids….Hang in there, and ask around…Drs., friends, random people:) Someone might have some advice that will help…. I hear your frustration! But you guys are amazing parents and it does sounds like you are doing all the right things….good luck-
I had to comment because we have a Paige-E-Poo too! Her middle initial is “E” so we started calling her that right after she came home. We’ve since shortened it to Paigey, though.
No advice on the sleep stuff. Our Paige had a much harder time with it than her sister and I agree that going back in only made it worse. At 2 she usually goes down pretty well, but occasionally (when she’s overtired or missing mommy time) she still has some nights that are tough. Good luck to you!
Do you have a bedtime routine that you do at (roughly) the same time and in the same order with Paige every night?
Susan - Same routine for the past 6 months.
Hi Guys,
Read your blog religiously, but have never commented before…by the way-LOVE YOU GUYS! Our family has experienced much of the same up and downs as you have regarding pregnancies and premature births. Our daughter (born at 28 weeks) had also experienced many of the same issues as sweet Paige as far as sleeping (or lack there of) and seperation anxiety. There is one book you NEED to get called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It CHANGED OUR LIVES! It’s very straight forward and an easy read, it’s written by a pediatrician whose name I can’t remember right now, but any Barnes and Noble/Borders should carry it. Good luck, I know how difficult and frustrating this is….s
It sounds like to me that she is literally just scared to be without you. I totally agree that Ferber had his head stuck up his butt. There is no way a scared child can be expected to calm themselves down, and seeing you not helping them makes it worse. It sounds to me like she has a negative association with sleep. Meaning that what was kinda hard before you started letting her cry 30 minutes at night has now gotten much much harder because she knows it is coming. In fact, the routine at this point may make it worse if she knows she is going to be left to cry. My honest advice is to rebuild trust that you are not going to leave her. Eric, it sounds like you are the one she is most bonded to right now, I would let her sleep with you at night(or even put her crib mattress next to your bed.) She may wake up a few times and look at you and be relieved that you are still there. Once she is secure in that you are there and not leaving her, I think she will start to go down easier. For the time in between when she goes down and you go down, I would just leave her somewhere close to you where if she does wake up that you can go to her immediately and calm her.
I’ve just found that that is what worked best for us. Sleep should be relaxing, not scary! CIO methods work for some babies, but others just really need parented to sleep, I think that is Miss Paige.
Hmmm. I can’t remember if Paige was a 30-min power napper. If she is, like our girls, this is what we’ve found. If they fall asleep in our arms, once they’ve drifted off, they go into deep sleep for 30 minutes, and you can do anything with them…like put em in a crib. If you try it at 31 min, they’ll wake up. I guess the goal is to move em when you KNOW they’re completely out (not just think). Try the arm-drop test.
If not, I’m not sure. I can tell you that letting the babies sleep with us when they’re really in a funk is fun, but incredibly hard to wean them off & get back into their cribs, so I personally wouldn’t encourage sleeping with her. But again, if it is the only way she’ll get sleep, I know parent who have done just that (for like 3 years).
If it were me, I’d see it as a recurring issue that I couldn’t solve before, and not having time (with all due respect) to read a lot of books, I’d look up a Developmental Psychologist or Developmental Pediatrician. But I couldn’t tell you how to find them. They might have an answer at their fingertips.
You poor guys…. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully someone will be able to offer some advice that will help… HUGS!!!
And Tobie… GREAT TASTE!!!! That is MY FAVORITE DRINK!!!
<p>Hi…Tobie here…thanks Kristin! Viscouse–two doctors now have suggested a developmental specialist that comes into our house to observe her and offer suggestions. It’s not covered by insurance and I’m going to look into how much and for how long she’ll need to work with Paige. I agree with Karen too that she is petrified of going to her crib and will start quivering once she knows that’s where she’s headed in our routine. I’ve since bumper padded her crib so she can no longer bang her head and hurt herself. Eric calls it her fort. She does go down really well if you stand next to her crib and wait for her to drift off…but if you scratch your nose or make any motion in which she thinks you’re going to leave she’ll wake up and you have to start the whole drifting off process again. With 3 kids (especially at nap time when I’m alone with 3 kids) we don’t have the luxury of standing next to her for ten to twenty minutes. Plus it confuses her if we do it for nighttime but not for naptime.</p>
Warning: 2 cents coming….
I know that she’s not quite at the age when most babies get moved to a “big-girl” bed, but it sounds like she’s in need of a change from her crib. Perhaps a double bed in a room that is really baby proof, with a gate at the door? That way, one of you (I know this part will be hard with three babies) can lie down with her at bedtime and snuggle with her. Yes, you may be setting yourself up for having to sleep with her for quite some time. However, she seems like she needs to feel secure at bedtime. You can experiment on the best time to leave her, and she may surprise you!
Is she the type of child who will fall asleep on the floor/in her high chair/wherever when she’s tired enough? If so, I would consider not forcing her to nap, and just letting her fall asleep when she is tired enough…
I feel your pain! I brought preemie twins home when my son was only two, and one of the twins has never, ever, been a good sleeper. She still tends to sleep better with us, and she’ll be four next month. Now that the two girls share a queen bed, it’s getting easier. Hang in there!