My post is going to sound like Paige is a nightmare. This is not true. She is the sweetest little girl who loves to hug and kiss and sit in laps. She is the first person to bring you your shoes and search the house for the missing sock. She helps with laundry, dishes, fung-shwe of the room and has a hilarious sense of humor. But her anxiety is over-the-top. We have to listen to her scream/cry/yell the second she wakes up until someone gets her out of bed. She is hit or miss around new people. She freaks if you leave the room.
Yesterday we had our Holiday card pictures taken at a studio in the local Babies R Us store. I brought two different outfits for all the kids and was hoping for one great group shot and a couple individual shots. Paige refused to sit for the photo. We finally coerced her with a fruit gummy treat to sit still for a millisecond so the lady could get one decent shot for the card. Eric and I were joking that this year maybe we’d just have to put the boys on the card. Anyways, we only were able to get pics in one outfit for everyone and no group shots. Bummer.
The rest of the day went pretty good but when we put her in her crib last night she freaked out so bad (which is normal for her) that she threw her head against the side rail of the crib and it BROKE and she fell onto the floor. Do you know what kind of force she would have to use to do that? Then we fixed the crib put her back in and had to listen to her scream/cry/yell for 30 minutes until she passed out.
We’d just like her to go to sleep and wake up like she wasn’t being eaten alive by a shark. Actually a shark would be much quicker than her screams…maybe being eaten alive by pecking birds. And yes we’ve tried everything to make her sleeping experience more pleasant (lights, no lights, music, white noise, silence, crib toys, stuffed animals, security blankets). We even hired the family coach a few months back to make sure we weren’t doing something terribly wrong. I think this is just Paige and she needs to grow out of it. I can’t imagine switching her to a toddler bed with the thrashing and banging she does. Pad the walls to her room? Strait jacket and helmet for bedtime?
Posted in: babies
I know this isn’t what you are looking for, but could one of you stay in there until she is asleep? Seems to me like this isn’t going to end anytime soon, and that it would be less traumatic on everyone if someone just stayed with her until she was asleep and got her as quickly as you could in the morning. Maybe a toddler bed WOULD help. Maybe she would feel like she had more control of staying in bed or not. I moved my son at 15 months to a queen sized bed (he rolls A LOT) that he is able to get in and out of. I rock him to sleep at night, and when he wakes up he gets out of bed and finds me.
I know this will be hard with Cole and Drew too, but its got to be better than listening to her scream EVERY night!
I know this isn’t what you want to hear either, but…. you are describing our son to a ‘t’. Fast forward to age 7. He still rarely goes to bed without crying every night. Not screaming and fit throwing like he did as an infant / toddler / preschooler. It has evolved to a beautiful whine… “it’s not fair!” “Why do I have to sleep??” “When I’m big I’m never going to bed!”
The only thing that worked for us when he was still in his crib is to stand hunched over his crib rail rubbing his arms, face, back, etc. until he fell into a light sleep. Then he would pop one eye open to make sure I was still there. My husband and I would take turns with the duty each night. It was a gauranteed crick in the neck and back. We even took to making ever so slight snoring noises to make him think we were asleep with him! Why didn’t we just give in and put him in our beds? I don’t really know. Maybe fear that he would never, ever, ever go to sleep. I still have some guilt over it. I wish you a good night’s sleep with no crick in your neck :O)
I have been rocking Lane to sleep at night for about a month now. It seems to be working great. It used to take him around 45 min. of rocking, now he knows that it is bed time and it takes no more then 15 min. for him to sleep. I know it’s not as easy as just laying them down, but I don’t have to hear him yelling at me, saying please mommy, please, I scared.
That used to kill me. Now we sing and rock and everyone’s happy. Good luck, you can send her to us for a weekend. Take a brake.
Poor Paige! I can’t even believe how much she is still struggling with the anxiety. I am sure you are both at your wits end!
I know it is a struggle, and I’ve got no advice. I’ll just send you wishes for some restful nights!
Karen - I think Paige might seriously hurt herself outside of a crib.
Tracie - We’ve tried the hover method, no luck though. As soon as we leave, she does the old head pop up. There is no fooling this one. She hears every movement to the door!
Shal - We already rock her for about 20 minutes. As soon as she hits the crib, it’s scream fest 2007!
Sara - Poor Paige? Poor mommy and daddy.
I am sure you’ve done this, but try the hover method along with the music and leave the door slightly cracked so that you don’t make too much noise as you are leaving…slightly crack the door after you’ve left…Hopefully you get some peaceful nights soon whatever method you find that works!
Hi. You don’t know me, although I think I have posted on your blog once before. My name is Anna and I have a 28 mo-old girl with separation anxiety. She has trouble sleeping too. In particular she is really attached to her mom, me. She never let anyone else put her to bed. It got so bad when her sister was born that we consulted with a family coach and then also with her pediatrician. We had already read pretty much all the books ever written, and the usual suggestions never worked. We followed the advice of our pediatrician, which was completely opposite to that of the (expensive) family coach and after a couple of very rough months things have started to improve. This is what her doctor told us: first of all, this is very common and it may take a lot of time to resolve. Second, making her cry makes things worse and that the only way to solve this problem is to reassure her and be extra affectionate without making her cry. Because she hated her crib, we bought a futon frame, put a good mattress on it, and let her sleep with her door half open. if she wanted to climb in our bed, we let her (she doesn’t do that any more). If she wants me to stay with her, I stay (less and less, but we have relapses). He suggested that when she is calm I try to leave her room for a minute, after telling her I would be back. If it works, try with two minutes, etc…For the first couple of months this did not work at all, she cried and I did not leave her at all. But by reassuring her very often and always preparing her beforehand to my absence, she started to calm down. She is still really attached to me, but things have improved to the point where her dad can put her to bed, and she can stay with her babysitter without crying as long as she knows when I’ll be back (for example, by lunch, etc). we also discovered she is terrified of the dark, and that a night light is not enough for her. She really needs a regular light on in her room at night. She can talk well, but it’s hard for a toddler to explain fears, it took us a while for us to understand that what she needed was full light during the night, right in her face, and that reassures her when she is starting to wake up. Things are not 100% ok yet, but we have made a lot of progress. Also, temper tantrums during the day have decreased and they just happen when she is really tired, as you would normally expect. Anyway, sorry for the long post. I know that following this advice with other two children to take care of is very hard (I have only another one), but this is really working for my daughter. Ciao. Anna
I have absolutely no advice. I just had to pop in to say, “I can’t believe she BROKE the crib!” That’s all.
OY.
Say, how would you like to be the family that foils Supernanny?
I’m with you, Eric. Poor Mommy and Daddy! No assvice here(not that the above is that, just that coming from me it would be as I have no experience with this)… just gobs and gobs and gobs of sympathy, and the reassurance that you guys are doing an awesome job.
I will be there to remind sweet Paige exactly how much anguish her parents went through to try and keep her happy. FWIW, I think you both are doing a great job.
What advice did that family coach give, anyway, about this? And I forget if you ever did the pediatric behaviorist thing.
Viscouse - the family coach gave us a couple of pointers on how to wind down before bed, but we were doing pretty much everything right. She’s just a high strung girl, that’s the conclusion we have come up with.