Oh where to begin?
First off. We have a date for Cole’s glaucoma check. Two weeks from now.
Secondly: Paige. Sleeping not going well. Mommy and Daddy on brink of meltdowns. She is still screaming throughout the night and throwing fits at the baby gate. We used Supernanny technique on her last night and it took 3.5 hours. Eric and I took turns last night. Tonight it took one hour of picking her up and putting her in bed then walking out. As soon as I headed for the door she would cry and jump out of bed and wail at the gate. I’d wait five minutes then without saying a word, pick her up and put her back into bed then walk out. I’m going to sleep in two minutes to be well rested for the next round which I’m quite certain will happen in an hour or two. Persistence is the key.
We had her neurodevelopmental follow-up meeting today. Or we were supposed to. Because she didn’t sleep last night very well she was extremely uncooperative. I was so ready to impress our Dr. E with all that Paige knows, but Paige wasn’t having it. So the appt was a big waste of everyone’s time. Dr. E is very concerned with Paige’s behavior and said that after one solid week of unrelenting Supernanny technique if Paige’s behavior doesn’t improve and her sleeping disposition does not improve, then we need to see another behavioral specialist and have a sleep study done to make sure she isn’t having seizures at night that cause her to freak out and scream. We’ll see.
We also had our 6 month IFSP meeting yesterday. I forgot about it (must remember to write all appts on calendar) until she showed up at the door. Luckily I was dressed. Anyways, all therapies will continue. We also will be evaluated at the next 6 month appt for the developmental preschool. I have many thoughts on this but I’m kinda tired so it’ll be brief. If the kids qualify for developmental preschool they will attend a local (within the school district) preschool that specializes in kids with developmental disabilities or delays. The short bus will pick them up from our front door four days a week for three hours a day and drop them off when done. The preschool will be paid for.
I want our kids to be “normal”. I want them to attend my mom’s preschool at our church that has an excellent preschool program. I want to drop them off at their class and pick them up like a “normal” parent. I want them to be in class with other “normal” kids. I don’t want them in a class with other kids that may have behavioral issues or developmental disabilities. But that is my wish, not reality. The reality is that I will place them in whatever preschool that can give them the best help. I will be open to the reality that they may not be ready for a “normal” preschool and accept that despite my desire for them to be “normal”…they were born at 24 weeks and may not be up to speed and I don’t want them to be frustrated or behind the other kids.
Okay…must sleep now, so freakin’ tired. Must be ready for more Supernanny technique. I’m really glad I watched that show. It may be one of the best shows on TV because it shows that it’s okay to feel like crap in the short term to feel great in the long run. If this doesn’t work….you can bet your ass I’m submitting my tape in a couple weeks.
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Tobie,
No wonder we haven’t spoken in a few weeks….Just caught up the last month. Sounds so crazy with Paige and her bedtime it might be worth doing the sleep study after trying this Supernanny thing. I am in shock about Cole’s eyes, he does so many things seemingly with good sight and it is so shocking he can adapt so well. As far as the new preschool thing, Kyle, my oldest, went to Special Programs Preschool with atypical and typical kids between 3-5yr olds for a year and it was awesome at the school by us. I will tell you more later. Ask me, kids will love it if it has same type of curriculum….Or you will have to move over this side of town to go to same school!!!!!! Drew is so cute and those stunning blue eyes!!!I work tom. and Sunday, hope to talk at you soon. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK you are doing an awesome job as a mother!!!
Nat
First, I think you should submit a video to Supernanny!
Second, my now eight year old went to a great preschool program in our district. He was going to a “regular” preschool when his teacher there mentioned he may need speech therapy. His speech delay was what qualified him for the program in the district. He attended both schools, on alternating days, and loved both!
This same eight year old son also enjoyed screaming in the middle of the night when he was a young toddler. I’m in no way saying you did, but in my case, I created the problem. He never learned to self soothe himself to sleep, as we rocked him every. single. time. he woke up. It could have been twenty times a night and we rocked him back to sleep each and every time. Everytime he would stir in the night, he’d cry and scream and want to be rocked back to sleep. Finally, the sleep deprivation was too much. We did the Supernanny method…back when there was no Supernanny. lol It took about a week, but each night it got a little easier.
With our second child we realized we had to put him to bed before he was passed out, at least some of the time. He learned to put himself to sleep from a very early age and we never had the middle of the night tantrums that plagued our nights with the first. We would rock him until he was nearly passed out, then lay him in his crib.
I have faith Paige will start sleeping better. As soon as she realizes the routine has changed and is staying that way, I bet her sleeping will improve.
What happens if you let Paige sleep in your big bed with you? Does she still scream or is she just agitated? I am asking because I would just like to point out that night terrors are a normal thing at this age for many toddlers. Even Mr hard-ass Ferber in his famous book on children’s sleep disorders talks about dealing with children with anxiety in the gentlest possible way, please see Step 11 of the chapter of children with night anxiety, i.e., sleep with them until the anxiety goes away. Sorry, but based on what I read and on my experience with my daughter, a gate is not a good thing for an anxious baby. Ciao. Anna
PS Sleep therapists are paid to correct disorders, so of course they will find some. What is this American obsession for “normal”? When I talk about my toddler not sleeping well with my italian and french friends they all just say(translated): so what? That’s what children do. So now I think that either european kids are different, or a lot of parents here in California are not actually really telling it as it is, which is more likely. what do you think?
I gotta say, I’m with Anna on this one. I think you have TRIED sleep training, it hasn’t worked. I don’t know why this is any different. I think whatever “normal” really is doesn’t apply to her sleep!
I agree that the gate at the door is no different than a crib. We have a queen sized bed for him, and then his door says open and so does ours. He ends up in bed with us most nights.
I really think that at this point it is really a trust vs. mistrust issue. She doesn’t trust that you will come to her, that you will calm her when she needs it. Her anxiety I’m sure is to blame, but isolating her isn’t going to make that go away! Harboring trust is.
Get a big smile on your face and be PROUD!!!
You are doing a great job!
As a previous Early Intervention teacher [before having kids], I know the hardest part is getting the parents to accept the fact that the kids NEED the program, and that their pride is not more important the the child’s growth and development. My guy were 26 weekers, and I know we are facing some developmental delays. Think positivity, and stay as involved with their schooling as possible, those by far were always the kids that made it the furthest!
Side note…
One of my students was 2 1/2 y/o’s and completely non-verbal autistic when he came to my class. He graduated 6th grade this past spring, top of his class, and gave a speech to the entire 500+ kids in his district graduating that day. His mom invited me, not telling me he was giving the speech. I balled my eyes out. She thanks me every time she sees me for making her get him tested and have him attend our preschool program. {i know not all kids in his situation have this kind of outcome, but had she waited till he was “school age”, he would have not been this well off.
Kyra went to EI and she did fantastic there. I came to a compromise with the teachers and picked her up and dropped her off at school. She was much more advanced than the other students but still learned quite a bit. She was able to enjoy HandiRiders (horseback riding for students) as well as have some social interaction with the other kids. The teachers loved her and she mothered other students that required more help. All in all it was a great experience for both of us.
My daughter attended the school sponsored preschool when she was three and four - they call it ‘Early Childhood’ in our district - because she was speech delayed. She was a 41-week baby, but her speech (and some of her social skills) just wasn’t where it should have been. It was a great experience for her. She rode the short bus most days. Occasionally I would drop her off - the kids in her class were so sweet - they were really worried about why she wasn’t on the bus. There were always big group hugs when she arrived. All of these kids went to the regular kindergarten class and the group hugs carried over. In kindergarten, some of the kids would go to EC in the afternoons if they were still behind in some areas. My daughter continued speech therapy into first grade. It was the best thing we could have done for her. She was SO ready for kindergarten. And since she attended EC at her grade school, she knew the teachers, the lunch ladies, the librarian, the principal, etc, before her first day of kindergarten. There was no separation anxiety - for me or her - that many other kids experienced in the first weeks of kindergarten. I don’t think a ‘normal’ preschool could have prepared her - verbally or socially - the way EC did.
Hey guys, I have to agree with Anna. Let her come to your bed in the middle of the night. She will love it and you guys can get some sleep. Practice the Supernanny techniques when she’s a little older and more confortable sleeping through the night. That’s just what I would do. Lane starts in his bed and always ends up walking into ours. We don’t even hear him do it sometimes. But it saves me the middle of the night hassle. Good luck.
About the “normal” don’t worry about it. Normal isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. It’s the originals that go places. Love…
I have many many problems with letting her routinely sleep with us in our bed. First of which is she is a restless sleeper like her mommy. I would never get a good night’s sleep with her tossing and turning all night. Secondly, we just don’t have the room in the bed for her. Eric’s a big boy and I need space to do my own tossing and turning. Thirdly, our bed is very high..if she fell off she could injure herself pretty bad. Fourthly, what if next year Drew decides he too wants to sleep in our bed. Fifthly, imagine trying to wean her off sleeping with us after she’s been used to it for years? Uugh. Sixthly, having one baby to look after is a whole different picture than having three babies. Seventhly, these aren’t just night time attacks..her napping is the same issue and I don’t want to nap when they nap because that is my cleaning/housework time. Do you see where my angst is? It’s not so black and white. She is almost two and sleeping through the night should not be an issue. Drew sleeps better than she does. Sorry if this comment came off hard (it’s not written that way, but when I read it back to myself it sounds harsh)..I do appreciate the comments and suggestions…but I know deep deep down that her sleeping with us will only create more problems not less problems.
Tobie, Do what you are comfortable with. Every kid is different and I know many kids that are three and having the same sleeping issues. The older they get the easier it will be for you and for them. Again good luck.
I have 25 weekers who are currently in the local school system EI preschool. It really is not bad. They do go to and from on the bus and they LOVE IT! They feel like big kids. And you don’t have to use the bus. I have days that I will take and pick them up like “normal” kids. I totally get the “normal” thing. But it has done wonders for them and most days the love to go, just don’t like the getting up part. I have one who likes to sleep in like mommy! LOL! I wish I had some advice on the sleep thing with Paige. Mine usually start out in their bed but one usually ends up in our bed at about 3-4am. The last few nights the two girls have tried to both come in. Which the three of us have ended up on the couch and chaise to sleep the balance of the night.
Tobie - What if I moved to a hotel? That way I can get a good nights sleep and you and Paige can toss and turn together? I think I saw that on Supernanny.
I know it does not help but one of my daughters went through a spell about every 4 months starting from the time she was 1 where she did not want to sleep and would do the same things Paige does. We did all the same things you have done and resorted to laying down in her floor every night until she fell asleep. Luckily she would only do it for about a week but I can relate to not having a clue what to do to help and I agree there just not a place for a child in YOUR bed but I can also understand you have to do what you must to get some sleep.
Sorry I really cannot help you, only tell you that you were not alone!
Hmm…how about we thwap Eric, and send Tobie to the hotel? (heh)
Tobie, we were never comfortable with the kids sleeping with us, and the SuperNanny method worked beautifully for us, through all three. Trust your instincts…she’s ready to be able to sleep independently, and she will be so proud of herself when she does!
I don’t even want to PRETEND I can understand what it is like to have three. And your comment wasn’t harsh at all. We let him sleep with us because it works out best for us.
I was just trying to point out that the sleep training hasn’t worked in the past. It kind of either works or it doesn’t. It worked well for Cole obviously. With Paige it just doesn’t seem to have worked, and I think if you keep trying over and over that it is going to make things worse and not better.
If you don’t want her in your bed, maybe you can try laying down next to her in her new big bed until she falls asleep. And if she wakes in the night, one of you can go in and lay down until she goes to sleep and then roll away. Again, I can’t imagine how this would work with three, but something has to be better than constant screaming and seeing her in such emotional agony.
And for the record, LOTS of two year olds don’t sleep through the night. The screaming fits in the night may be atypical, but the night waking is definitely not!
hi ive been reading your blog for a while now just want to say your kids are amazing. i was the same as paige is i never slept properly until i was 6 (not help i know) but my mum said it was due to my bad eyesight and the differant shaddows ets when my glasses were off everything looks nice and rosey when glasses are on but when they are off the word even a room your formiliar with becomes a very scary unformillar place. im sorry if it wasnt much help but i just wanted to tell you. good luck with coles gloucoma test.
I’m so sorry you’re having such problems. I wish I had different advice from what others have commented on but I just don’t. We let our son in our bed and you’re right…it is hard to get them out. But we were just “lazy” and wanted some sleep! Good luck and keep us posted.
Okay, Tobie can go to a hotel. She’s bringing Paige though, right?
I think the sleep study is good idea to rule out seizures. I know you guys get a lot of advice that you are probably too bloody tired to read. And here comes the but-
My 3 yr old son has PDD-NOS, autism. He is in the DD program in our distict- which I hate that he has to, but he is doing really well and loves to see other kids. I drop him off, I am not ready to put a 3 yr old on a bus, and that way i hear from his teachers personally how he did- but you can also ask for a back and forth notebook to let you know what they are doing every day. But yeah, you have to work through the grief of of losing your expectations and accepting what you do have.
As for Paige, i find a poece on the internet on Autism and Oughtism. Basically, that we get caught up in what our child should be doing instead of what they are really capable. My DH has to be reminded constantly. Yes, C OUGHT to be able to sleep in his own bedand be potty trained , but right now, he can’t. He will, eventually, but until then we have to make accomodations. Some of these accomodations are not convienient. Other people will call it spoiling. Not their business, and do they have a child with autism? Probably not. I’m just saying don’t get caught up in what you think she ought to be doing sleep-wise. Just do what gets her to sleep peacefully.
I am always totally amazed by you guys. I agree with the no children in the bed thing. We have triplets and one on the way and I can’t imagine a family bed of six. And I have to ask, when is there “adult time” when babies are sharing the bed? The couch? That would get old.
Anyway, you guys are great that you’ve hung in there and been strong with all the different ways you’ve tried to get her to sleep in her bed happily and comfortably. Your hard work will pay off. I just know something will work.
I don’t want the kiddos in my bed either. I think that you are the parents you spend the most time with you children. You know what will be best for her. I hope it all works out soon for you guys, I know how bad sleep deprivation is.
Tobie and Eric,
First I just want to say I think you all are great parents and are doing a GREAT job. I came across your blog reading about other premature babies as I had two premature babies many years ago. I just wanted to add my two cents on Paige’s sleep. From the time my two girls were born I rocked them to sleep. They never learned to go to sleep on their own when they were babies. As they became toddlers we just found ways to make it work. I couldn’t sleep with them in bed with us so I put a mattress on the floor next to our bed. If they got up in the middle of the night they knew they could come and sleep on the mattress next to the bed but not get in bed with us. It didn’t bother me and they didn’t wake me up and I was a much happier person being able to sleep thru the night. They eventually grew out of this on their own - sometime in their early elementary years and that was fine - no stress on any of us. They are now teenagers and that is another story. I just want to say I wish you the best and I hope you can find something that works for you.
Sounds like she is truly being stubborn and you just need to be more stubborn. If you never checked on her and put her back in bed when she woke up screaming I could see a trust issue forming (my niece formed one when my sister kept leaving her in her crib in the morning because she was too lazy and selfish to get up and take care of her), but you go to her countless times a night so it should be pretty well established you are not gone forever by now. My four year old niece refused to use the potty until recently they out-stubborned her (a 2 year battle). She also used to insist on sleeping in my dad’s bed until my sister got her a toddler bed when she was about 2.5 or 3. She loves things that are her size and so fell in love with the bed. It was all she’d talk about for awhile, she wanted to call me all the time to tell me about it and then when I visited she always had to show it to me, too cute. No idea if getting a “Paige sized bed” would work for you or not but if you get really desperate sometimes toddlers fall for the weirdest things.
I got nothing to add, except that with every post I admire you guys more & more. I think you all are doing a great job, no matter how it may look, you are doing great, and all your children will be better off for it.
Keep up the good work!
You guys are doing a great job!!! It must be so difficult to try and work out what is best, but just trust your instincts!